Anyone who has ever been in a situation like this knows that feeling and how powerful it is, go read.
(ps. you can read a bit of my story in the comments.)
Also, anyone remember courtship or Joshua Harris?
I guess that just proves what we already know- there is no method that guarantees success.
This developmental chart makes it so easy to understand why spanking and other "discipline" tactics can be so harmful.
Interesting...
This thermostat will be in our future home. Seriously, its awesome.
dude, I have two copies of that Joshua Harris book - can anyone say, INEFFECTIVE!?!?!?! Dear God. I mean, last time I checked, courtship was Biblical!?
ReplyDeleteThanks! These are great discipline links!
ReplyDeleteI don't agree with all of Joshua Harris's methods but his principal's are good. I was only allowed to "court" growing up, basically it was monitored dating with intent to marry which was fine by me. I wasn't looking just for a bed buddy anyway. And as far as discipline goes I wish people would get off people who spank their children - we don't beat them! I was spanked growing up and unlike most children these days I loved and truly respected my parents and their authority. And I plan to teach my daughter the same - I don't have a tantrum throwing, unruly hellion on my hands like most people who claim to be against spanking.
ReplyDeleteI think every.single.thing is case-by-case. Sad fact: so many people today have babies with people they don't love and either never marry or divorce from. That being said, my husband and I have been together for six years. Considering I'm twenty-one and he's twenty-three, that's a long while. We'd been together (and engaged part of it,) for over four before we had our son. We got married after we had our son. I'd just like to point out that he and I never made love (or had sex, which IS different,) with anyone other than eachother. (And never will.) And something else, neither of us are Christian. We've led pretty awesome lives, and here we are.
ReplyDeleteAnd on the discipline thing... I was spanked growing up and we've spanked our son a couple times. I was and am completely respected by my parents, and it's mutual. We have a better relationship than any parent-child I've ever witnessed. We'd like to not spank our son, and we're working on that. (With terrible twos starting a little early, it's a bit difficult.) But I do appreciate the links you shared!
Brooke- agreed! Plus, I always wondered why it was such a big deal in the christian community when the bible doesn't even address it?
ReplyDeleteAnonymous-
I don't think people that are dating are "just looking for a bed buddy"
That was my problem with the book, is this idea that courtship is not only morally superior to dating, it would also ensure a life long commitment because it didn't have the "faults" of dating.
Rhe faultiness of stating that "dating leads to divorce" or is "preparation for divorce". I know many couples who dated and had multiple sex partners being being married and their marriages are wonderful. I have known couples who followed Josh Harris's methods and are miserable although they would never admit it. They didn't get to know each other well, got married knowing each other very superficially and now...either way, I am not judging or condemning others who choose that, I am simply pointing out that there is no proof that courtship works better than dating, and the opposite may be true. (You can read what Josh Harris said in the article)
As for spanking, to each his own. I have and always will be outspoken on my thoughts on it and I have many sources to back them up.
I was spanked growing up and obeyed out of fear. I would do anything to avoid getting spanked. (And that should cause alarm) I lied, blamed others, snuck around and often felt I lived a double life so that I wouldn't be punished. I also know many children who are Oceans age and are spanked and Ocean is the best behaved out of all of them. In fact, I have only met one other family that didn't spank, their daughter is very sweet, independent and not anymore disobedient than the children that are spanked. Im not sure what families you have seen but I can tell you that "I don't have a tantrum throwing, unruly hellion on my hands" either.
At the end of the day though, I have my thoughts and you yours.
I respectfully agree to disagree.
Lauren- Marc and I sound very similar to you! We aren't religious and were each others first kiss and such as well! (Never been with anyone else) and as for discipline- I agree its hard some days, but Its easier when I remember the stages and this stage is hard because they are learning how to relate to others and we must teach them by being gentle, loving, patient and firm- without becoming angry. So hard!
Bekah, I think the best response I have seen to defend not spanking is "if spanking works so well, why do you have to keep doing it?"
ReplyDeleteAlso, I feel the same way, I was spanked growing up and all it did was make me feel humiliated and embarrassed. I never want to be the cause of my children feeling that way.
I love these links posts you do, the first one about the power of acceptance really made me think.
ReplyDelete