on my mind. excuses, stress, facebook and living.
These past few weeks have been so trying. I find myself getting snippy and short for no reason in particular. That being said, I haven't done much in trying to control it, I just react. It finally hit me though how much that needs to change. There are so many times I start feeling gloomy, stressed and down that ideas spring to mind that I know will either snap me out of my mood or at least help me cope, yet I ignore them choosing to sulk. I don't know why I do this, I suppose its easier to sit there in despair than actually do something about my life. Much like losing weight or quitting a bad habit. I think though that I have finally hit that point in my life, that point where I realize, nothing is going to get better until I choose to make it better. Why does it take so long to get there? Sometimes I think we are too distracted in this crazy, social media cluttered life we lead. A new notification pushes any thoughts we may have onto the back burner of our minds. It is an artificial happiness that keeps us from discovering true happiness or rather a distraction from reaching our goals that make us feel fulfilled.
I made a few efforts to change that recently. I decided to change. It sounds so simple and it really is, what isn't simple is realizing that only you can make things change.
Part of deciding to change means ridding ourselves of the things that get in our way, the things we know are in our way but we are too lazy to do anything about it.
For me, one of the biggest is my use of social media. Facebook, Instagram, Twitter. You know. All of those things are fine, but can also be time wasters. Life wasters really because they get in the way of my long term goals. Another one is just being lazy. Laziness is something that gets in the way. Obviously, but really, those moments where I could get up and make myself a wholesome breakfast but end up eating whatever is within reach, leftover cookies, brownies...bread? Even though I know that I aspire to eating wholesome and healthy. Even though it would only take me 10 minutes(if even that) to get a good breakfast for myself. The same for exercising. There have been several times where I think "I could get up and do my 20 minute workout, right now" I reason with myself "You'll feel better if you do" and I know I will, yet I continue sitting and making excuses.
Like I said, there just comes a time to finally realize, my life isn't going to get any better unless I make it better.
I want to live! I want to be in the moment. I want to learn to laugh off my troubles and make the best of them. I want to teach my children to do the same. Instead of taking my frustrations out on my family, I want to turn to them for comfort and I want them to do the same. I want Marc to come to me when he needs to cry. I want my children to as well. I want to shake off my funks. I want to look at the world through childlike eyes, to feel wonder again. To do all this I must be present, I must be aware. I must CHOOSE to live this way. Everyday is a choice and I have to choose over and over again. Every moment is a choice and I will choose joy over and over again. No one else is responsible for my happiness. My happiness is my choice.
Some things I am going to change:
- no excuses for my bad behavior, it is my fault if I behave or react badly.
- patience. I will be patient with others, especially my little family.
- exercising. It is now a part of my life. It will be a daily habit. I will exercise daily from now on.
- whole eating. I feel better when I am not eating crap, therefore I am going to make the effort everyday because I know how much better it makes me and my family feel to eat whole foods.
- less social media. I have reduced my daily social media to instagram and twitter. I like twitter because it is simple and minimal. Instagram too. Facebook I check maybe 2x a day. I am considering deleting Facebook too. I will work to cut my computer time down daily.
- schedule. I am going to get on a consistent schedule that will help me be more mindful and aware of my time.
- quiet. I need my quiet. In my schedule there will be blocks of quiet time assigned so that we can just be. It is important to me to have those moments where my mind can rest.
- sleep. I need more than I get. I get little sleep because I plan and use my time poorly and try to catch up on everything at night which is, again, poor planning. This will be corrected in my schedule.
I am choosing in this moment to change. They may only be baby steps but every little step gets us closer than we were before.
I love this sign and plan on ordering it ASAP to keep up to remind me of what I really want to do with my life: LIVE!
So that being said, what are things you want to change? Are you going to do it?
p.s sorry again, if this is all over the place. on my mind is literally just a free flow of my thoughts and sometimes I can't even make sense of them until I have them all typed up. I hope you can catch the gist. xo