commitment.

“If we commit ourselves to one person for life, this is not, as many people think, a rejection of freedom; rather, it demands the courage to move into all the risks of freedom, and the risk of love which is permanent; into that love which is not possession but participation.” -Madeleine L'Engle

For Marc and I, this year has brought an incredible depth and dimension to our relationship. We have never taken our commitment lightly but we have tested it. Sometimes a commitment proves to be harder than one might have ever imagined. It is so hard to accept that your lover is still a human. So hard to accept mistakes, hard to forgive. It is during that time though, that I have seen the beauty in commitment. This year, I have been the recipient of a ton of forgiveness. I have also given a lot of forgiveness. Through this hurt, we have grown together, like a grafted branch. Isn't this the beautiful part of commitment. Someone who never gives up on you, holding onto someone you know you will never give up on? This is beauty. To be completely known by someone who desperately loves you. Someone who holds onto the good in you, even when it is hard to see it.
I remember the day we said our vows, I remember the tears that blurred my vision when Marc said them to me. I know he meant them. We meant them. We won't ever give up on each other.

I, Rebekah, take you, Marcus, to be my husband, my constant friend, my faithful partner and my love from this day forward. In the presence of God, our family and friends, I offer you my solemn vow to be your faithful partner in sickness and in health, in good times and in bad, and in joy as well as in sorrow. I promise to love you unconditionally, to support you in your goals, to honor and respect you, to laugh with you and cry with you, and to cherish you for as long as we both shall live. (source)

This love is comforting. I can be at peace with Marc, he is my peace. My still, my calm.
The many things about Marc that no one else will ever know, I have made it my mission to learn. Every detail about him, to absorb them. It's the simple things that get me. The way his voice sounds when he first wakes up, the way he clears his throat, his nervous habits, the way he frantically writes in his notebook when he has a new idea. I love his bedhead, his arms, his hands and feet. There is no one else in this world I can honestly say that about. I'm sure most of you know what I am talking about, I can honestly say I love everything about Marc. He is my home. There is no where else I would rather be.

(Babe, I love you)

This is the most beautiful song I have heard in a long time. 


You know I never want to let you down
It cuts me up to see you sad
And I wish that I could undo what I've done
Give back the faith in me you had
You know I love you more than anyone
But I get a little wrapped up in myself
But you know I never want to do you wrong
Bring into question what we have
I know I let you down
But you're giving me a chance- giving me a chance by gotye.