on my mind: love, family and balance.

Oh man, so here goes my first personal post in awhile. Nothing dramatic, honestly. I am hoping to do a vlog soon talking about some of this stuff. Just stuff.

The past few weeks have flown by, it's hard to believe is has nearly been a month since we accepted our job proposal. Things are setting up nicely. We have been very busy, it's hard to work from home with two toddlers running around. I feel like 75% of our time is feeding/cleaning, the other 25% is squeezing in emails and such. I have just fallen a bit behind, fortunately Husband rescued me today by drafting a perfect schedule (like I have been meaning to do!) and then printing it to hang.

I am embracing all these wonderful changes. Things have been so good here.

The girls are becoming friends. It is so sweet to watch. Luna can say Ocean now but it sounds more like "Ohshe!" and she still says "O-na-na". Oh, and sissy! It is really cute. They are starting to play together well. Ocean is so grown, but still a baby herself. I have to remind myself of this constantly. I expect way too much from her. She is so much like me, her no non-sense attitude and sass. It makes me so sad to think she is going to be 4 this March. Has a year really gone by? I know when she hits 5 it's going to be hard for me. Parenting is easing up a lot. I get so stressed by little things. I am learning to step back, breathe and teach rather than react. Haven't I been saying that for awhile though? Do we ever change? I suppose. I beat myself up over my mothering empathy skills sometimes. I keep trying to remember to apply John Gottman's Five to One principle to my interactions with the girls. It helps me access each situation and try to figure out if I am reacting or teaching. Is this positive or negative? Tone of my voice, body language and patience are key, I think. I love my girls so much.

And...le'sigh.
I don't even know where to start with my--our--love life. The past few years of our life have seen good and bad but they have never seen us as close, or in love, as we are now. It isn't an exaggeration to say we are blissful. Not blissful in the happily-ever-after sense, blissful in the vulnerability of love.
We both broke each others hearts, in more ways than one. Reading John Gottman's books have opened our eyes to the not-so-obvious things we did that drove a wedge between us. We weren't miserable but we were certainly lacking, and now, now that we are here...why? Why did it take us so much heartbreak to get here? I never knew our marriage could be what it is now. I shake my head at how naive decisions we have made were. But the bottom line is, here we are, and we are so wonderfully happy together. Marc e-mails me love notes on a frequent basis now, I am shocked to discover that I still get butterflies when I see an email from him in my inbox. He works out every other night and we text on iMessage in between sets, it makes us both feel a little giddy. He sent me an email tonight while he was working out titled Love Maps. Enhancing your Love Maps is something encouraged by John Gottman (check out all 7 principles). It addresses the fact that over time, we get some comfortable and used to being around one another that we forget to keep asking questions and getting to know each other on a deeper level. Marc and I downloaded a few apps (by the Gottman institute) with questions and do them before bed and in the morning. It's nice to lay snuggled in bed together, talk openly and calmly about ourselves, us, and our future. Anyways, Marc sends me this email in which he answers simple questions like, who my best friends are, what is stressing me out now, what am I looking forward to, etc. (it was all really sweet and dead on) but then he goes on to describe our day:
 "Today, we got up together-- you tended to me because I was so lethargic, we ate pancakes, you had a bite from my last half if choc chip pancake, you worked on your blog, took photos of the house, felt stressed out with lulu. The rest of the day was productive... You went to finish some projects in our room, you liked my schedule, we ate mujadarrah, we got the girls around, you kept them in the library, quick grocery trip..."
I don't know exactly why, but hearing him describe how he experienced the day was so sweet to me.
There is a tenderness present these days that was in low supply in the past. It brings tears to my eyes, there is a overwhelming sadness we are just now discovering this but, also a joy that we finally have.

a photo of a photo. 2 days after we first met on june 27, 2007. already head over heels.

And that, my friends, is my life right now.
Practicing patience and lovingkindness. Loving my girls and falling back in love with my babe.